Communication is one of the biggest things people say changes for them when they complete the NLP Diploma. They say things like “My relationships are so much better.” ‘I no longer take things personally’ ‘I listen more and take my time to respond before reacting’. ‘I see things from others point of view more clearly’ ‘I understand now what I can do to improve relationships’.
So why do we struggle so much with communication?
Let me ask you… How many times have you felt misunderstood? How many times have you said something and it’s landed completely the wrong way? Or someone has said something to you and you’ve taken it personally, got defensive, got upset?
Or maybe you were convinced you were right… And they were convinced they were right…
And you just couldn’t see each other’s point of view?
It’s stressful, isn’t it? Relationships are one of the biggest causes of stress and unhappiness in people’s lives. Arguments. Misunderstandings. Not feeling heard. Not feeling understood.
It drains your energy, your mood. affects your motivation and causes much unhappiness.
My Turning Point With NLP
When I first went on NLP training, I was a newly qualified teacher. I was struggling to build rapport with some really challenging students. They lacked confidence and self belief and I didn’t know how to help them. Back then my teaching qualification and Psychology degree hadn’t equipped me very well with the skills I needed to truly support these young people.
At the same time, I was navigating relationships at home as a partner and new Mum. And like most people, we had disagreements. I remember thinking, there has to be a better way to understand people. NLP showed me what is was.
We Don’t All See the World the Same Way
Not everybody thinks the way you think. Just because something is important to you doesn’t mean it’s important to someone else. Just because you experienced something one way doesn’t mean they experienced it that way too.
Even if you go on the same holiday together… You will remember different things.
Even if you sit in the same meeting… You’ll focus on different details. We are all operating from our own map of the world. And when you truly get that it’s like a weight has been lifted as you no longer need to take things personally!
The Meaning We Attach to Behaviour
This is huge. We put meaning on people’s behaviour all the time.
“They didn’t buy me flowers so they don’t care.”
“They didn’t ask how I was so they’re selfish.”
“They didn’t thank me so they’re inconsiderate.”
“My teenager rolled their eyes so they’re disrespectful.”
“My colleague missed the deadline so they’re lazy.”
But what if that meaning… isn’t true? What if that’s just your interpretation? What if it’s not about you at all? This was one of the biggest revelations for me. People generally are not out to upset you.
They’re responding from their own stress, insecurities, fears, beliefs it isn’t about you.
Communication Starts With You
Here’s the bit people don’t always expect. Communication isn’t just about how you talk to others.
It’s about how you talk to yourself. What’s your internal narrative like? When something goes wrong, what do you say to yourself? When someone upsets you, what story do you create?
Is it empowering?Or is it negative and disempowering? Your internal story drives your emotional state.
And your emotional state drives how you communicate. If you’re feeling defensive, you’ll speak defensively. If you’re feeling judged, you’ll communicate from judgment.
And the cycle continues.
Curiosity Instead of Judgment
One of the simplest but most powerful shifts NLP gives you is this: Move from judgment to curiosity.
Instead of:
“They’re being awkward.” You ask: “What must be true for them to be behaving that way?”
Instead of:
“They’re pushing my buttons.” You think: “What’s going on for them right now?”
That tiny shift opens space and in that space, something different can happen. Conversation becomes more understanding, calm and empathetic and relationships improve.
Communication Skills that Change Relationships- When people complete NLP training, they develop:
Stronger rapport – better negotiation skills – more empathy – better questioning techniques – deeper understanding of perception and greater emotional regulation
This impacts peoples lives in so many ways – at home with their children, family and loved ones. This was huge for me. At work with their colleagues, as a leader, as a team player. None of us live in isolation, we are always interacting in some way.
Negotiation isn’t just for the boardroom
Let’s be honest, negotiation happens in families every day. It certainly does in mine, have you tried negotiating with an independent and spirited 16 year old! It happens between partners – whose turn is it do stack the dishwasher, who is seeing to the kids, who is doing the shopping? Who has worked the hardest! When you understand motivation, perception, and meaning in behaviour -negotiation becomes easier. You realise that trying to win or get one up against someone else is wasted energy. It’s kinder and easier to be understanding, empathic and kind.
The Real Gift of NLP
The biggest takeaway people share is this: “I don’t take things personally anymore.” And that alone reduces so much stress. When you stop assuming, stop mind-reading, stop attaching negative meaning… you create inner peace. You create better conversations. You create stronger relationships. And you grow. Communication isn’t just a skill. It’s a pathway to personal growth.
Thanks for reading, I hope it helped 😊
